Ngakuphi ixesha lokugqibela owafumanisa kuyo imeko apho wawukhusela ngokunyanisekileyo isikhundla, uphumelele, kwaye uzive ukhululekile? Kwakunokuba nomhlobo, iqabane, ilungu losapho okanye umntu onomnakekelayo. Ewe, "uphumelele" kwaye ukholelwa ukuba umzabalazo ulungelelweyo ngokwemigangatho ethile yemigangatho, imigaqo, okanye iingcamango "zobulungisa." Kodwa kusekhona loo nto, ukuba into endiyenzayo yayilungile, kutheni ndiziva ndixakeke kangaka?
Ukuqonda kweTibetan yale ngxaki kuboniswe kwinto yakudala, "Ungaphonsa amalahle atshisayo kwiintshaba zakho, kodwa uzotshisa izandla zakho zenze." Le proverb idibanisa enye yeengxaki ezinkulu ekujonganeni: iindleko zokuwina . Cinga emva kwengxabano yakho yokugqibela apho "uphumelele." Uyakhumbula kuphela ubumnandi bokunqoba, okanye ushiywe yimiphumo emibi yokutshatshaza intshaba yakho?
Kwabaninzi abantu abaye bafumana impikiswano enkulu apho bawunqobileyo, kunesivakalelo esithandekayo apho rhoqo iindleko zokuwina ziphakame kakhulu kubo okanye kumntu abawunqobileyo.
Ngaba Ingxabano Ayikwazi?
Imeko ivela ekunyamekelweni apho kubonakala ukuba ukulwa okungeke kwenzeke. Umncedisi unengcamango jikelele yokuba kufuneka njani ukunakekelwa, kodwa umntu onyamekelwayo unenguqulo eyahlukileyo . Iingxaki zivela xa ingxabano icatshulwa njengomdlalo we-zero-sum: Ukuba umntu omnye unqoba omnye kufuneka alahlekelwe.
Ndandinomthengi owayenakekelwa yindoda yakhe yayineengxaki. Ngaphambi kokuhlaselwa kwentliziyo yakhe, wayesebenza kakuhle, iqabane elingavumelaniyo. Okona kunzima, umlingane ohlukumezayo. Ngaphambi kokuhlaselwa kwentliziyo yakhe, xa iingxabano phakathi kwabo zingenakuxolisa, wayehlala ehamba-into eyenzeka rhoqo.
Izinto zatshintshwa emva kokuhlaselwa kwentliziyo yakhe. Ekubeni wayekhubazekile kakhulu, ukushiya ukulandela ukuphazamisana okungazange kwenzeke ekubeni umyeni wakhe wayedinga ukunakekelwa rhoqo kwaye kwakungekho nemali yokuqesha abanonophelo abaqeqeshiweyo.
Kwaye xa wayevalelwa emva kwengxabano, wayebuhlungu. Kwaye wayexakeke nje ukuxhalaba kwakhe ngenxa yokungabi nokulawula ubomi bakhe. Kwi-comedy, Ubomi bukaBrian , befuna ukuba yiCross-crusaders kwiifama ezicingayo zijongene nomdlavuza. Inkokheli ithi, "Balekela, babaleke." Abo banako ukuhamba ngokukhawuleza baphile. Lezo azizange zidliwe ngumvundla.
Abaninzi abanonophelo bazive benjenge-Monty Python's Crusaders abangakwazi ukugijima ngokukhawuleza. Ukungquzulana kwabo, ngokuqhelekileyo kwimeko yemdlalo-mdlalo apho iimfuno zabo okanye iimfuno zabo abathandayo ziyaneliseka, kodwa kungekhona zombini . Nangona xa iimfuno zabanakekeli zidibana, uvakalelo lwezono lukhula xa bekholelwa ukuba iimfuno zabo abathandekayo ziye zachithwa zabo.
Ukukhetha Phakathi kwezisombululo
Sivame ukufumana kwiimeko apho kungekho "isisombululo" esihle , kodwa kunyanzelekile ukuba sikhethe phakathi kwamibini okanye ngaphezulu. Luhlobo lweemeko eziba nezifo ezingapheliyo okanye ezigulane . Akunjengokuba ngaba abanonophelo bakhetha phakathi kwe-Big Mac kunye nesidlo kwisitoreji se-Michelin ye-Michelin.
Kunoko, ukukhetha kufana nokugqiba ukuba nekhofi kwi-7-11 okanye kwi-Quick Stop xa isitolo sekhofi gourmet asifumaneki.
Yiyo imeko kumntu onomnakekeli omele akhethe phakathi kweendlela ezimbini zokuphatha izilwanyana ezibuhlungu kumntu omthandayo. Bobabini babeza kuvelisa intlungu. Ngoko umnakekeli wayenokugqiba isigqibo sokuba yeyiphi into ebuhlungu kakhulu, kungekhona yintoni eyona ndlela eyona ndlela ibhetele. Akuyinto yokwahlukana kwemfundiso, kodwa kunokohluko kumbono. Ukuba ucinga kuphela "okulungileyo," unokuthi uyayinakunceda kuphela into enokwenzeka.
Izigqibo malunga nokulwa nazo zivame ukusetyenziswa ngokusebenzisa oko kubonakala kunemilinganiselo enengqiqo, njengokuthi, yintoni inyanisekileyo, ilungile, okanye inene.
Le miqathango ibanjelwe kulindeleke ukuba thina kunye nabanye 'sifanele sizive njani.' Ngokomzekelo, ndimele ndive kakuhle xa ndibonisa indlela engayixabisi ngayo umfazi wam, okanye ndifanele ndiveviswe xa isihlobo sandixelela indlela endilungileyo ngayo yokushiya umyeni.
Ngamanye amaxesha, ukunyaniseka, ukunyaniseka, okanye ulungelelwano akuvelisi ukwaneliseka abacinga ukuba kuya kuba "ngokuwina" ingxabano. Kukho amaxesha ekunyamekela ukukhathalela xa kulungele ukubuyela ngaphandle kunokujongana.
Izikhokelo Zokuthintela Ukuxabana
Ngokuqhelekileyo asicingi ukuba kutheni sikhetha ukubandakanya ingxabano. Kwaye xa senza njalo, ngokuqhelekileyo kungaphambi kokuba kuhlangane, okanye ngeli xesha. Le ndlela engenakuyingozi ayifanelekanga. Esikhundleni sokuthembela ngokuzithemba ukuba uthathe isigqibo malunga noko uza kwenza okanye ukuthetha, kunokwenzeka ukucwangcisa kwangaphambili. Nazi izikhokelo ezintathu ongayisebenzisa.
1. Hlela Ngeenjongo
Ngokuqhelekileyo ngexesha "imfazwe," siyabalahlwa ukubeka phambili iinjongo zethu. Singaba nembono engacacanga into ebalulekileyo okanye unoluhlu lweenjongo ezingabalulekanga. Ukuzama ukuyihlenga ngexesha lokujongana kunzima xa kungenakwenzeka kuba "isenzo" sisoloko sifaka izigwebo .
Injongo enye ebangela ubuninzi beengxaki ngumfuneko wokunyaniseka. Ndicebise abanonophelo abanobuqheno bokunyaniseka kwabo bonke abathandekayo, abaye balwa nemiphumo yokunyaniseka. Kwizinto ezingabonakaliyo, ingcamango yokuba "ukunyaniseka ngumgaqo-nkqubo obhetele" izandi ezifanelekileyo kwaye sisiseko sokusebenzisana okuthembekileyo. Kodwa ngaba ngumgaqo-nkqubo olungeleyo kuzo zonke iimeko?
Into enokuyenza: Njengoko ulinganisela ukhetho onalo ekuqaleni kwenkquzulwano, zibeka phambili izinto ezibalulekileyo: ukuphumelela, uxolo, imfesane, njl. Xa usebenzisa le ndlela njengesikhokelo sokuthatha isenzo, ukhetho lwakho lunokubonakala ngakumbi.
2. Yintoni Intlawulo Yengqondo Yokulwa?
Sinokuzixhalabisa kwiinkqubela. Sivame ukunyamekela intlawulo yomzwelo esinokuhlawula ngayo kokubambisana kunye nokuphumelela. Kwakuyinto enjalo nomfazi owayengumyeni wakhe ekuqaleni kwe-Alzheimer's. Wayegxininisa ukuba umyeni wakhe agcine imilinganiselo yokucoceka eyafana nayo ngaphambi kokuba i-dementia iqale. Ukugxininisa kwakhe kwimilinganiselo engafanelekiyo, imilinganiselo engaphambi kokuxilongwa yayineziphumo ezimbini. Ekupheleni kosuku, wayephelile emva kokuqaphela ukuziphatha komyeni wakhe kwiiyure ezingama-16. Isiphumo sesibini kukuba umyeni wakhe wayeziva ehlazekile ngokuqonda ukuba wayengasakwazi ukusebenza njengoko wayenza ngaphambi kokuba i-Alzheimer iqale.
Kwakukho iinzuzo ezimbalwa zokugubha kwiimeko zakhe zokujongana nangona zikhokelela ekubeni indoda yakhe "ihlambulukile." Bobabini bahlala bexakeka kude kube yilapho umxhasi wam enqabile ukusukela kwiinjongo zokuhlambuluka ngokupheleleyo. Ngokwemfuno yakhe encinci, umyeni wakhe waqala ukuphumla kwaye wakwazi ukwamkela ngakumbi imeko yakhe. Kuba umfazi, le migangatho emitsha ekhululekile yamenza ukuba angagxininci kakhulu kwaye ngoko ke unomnakekeli onomdla kwaye ongcono.
Yintoni ongayenzayo: Njengoko unquma ukuba ngaba okanye awuyi kubambisana, qinisa iindleko kubo bobabini kunye nomthandayo. "Ukunqoba," kwimiba ebalulekileyo, akunakho ukuthethelela iindleko zengqondo.
3. Liliphi iqhinga eliza kusebenza ngempumelelo?
Ubeke phambili iinjongo zakho kwaye uvavanya iindleko zokulwa. Ngoku lixesha lokukhetha isicwangciso esisebenzayo . Indoda yomxhasi onokuphuluka kwentliziyo eqhubekayo yayidla amanzi amaninzi ngexesha elinye. Isiphumo senyuka i-edema, umqathango wakhe ugqirha. Xa umfazi wambuza ugqirha ukuba asebenzise njani ukusetyenziswa kwamanzi, ugqirha wathi kufuneka "akwenze oko." Alukho uhlobo lweengcebiso ezifanelekileyo zokukhetha isicwangciso.
Ukuze asombulule ingxaki, wathatha ibhotile yamanzi kwaye wayibeka kwimali eyamkelekileyo, ngokusekelwe kwinqanaba lomntu oyedwa. Emva koko wayesebenzisa isigqirha sesigqirha sosuku lonke ukucacisa inani leebhotile umyeni wakhe angadla imihla ngemihla. Ngoku wayenecebo elifanelekileyo lokunciphisa ukutya kwakhe kunokuba athembele ekujonganeni nokusela kwakhe.
Into enokuyenza: Ukukhetha isicwangciso esisebenzayo kakhulu kunzima kakhulu kunomzekelo ongentla. Xa sinyamekela, kufuneka sifumane indlela yethu ngaphantsi kwezenzo eziphumelelayo. Musa ukwesaba ukuphambukela kwisicwangciso sakho ukuba akusebenzi.
Isiphelo
"Ukunqoba," kudlalwa ukuba yiyona njongo enkulu yokuxabana, nokuba ingxabano ibandakanya umdlalo onobungane we-ping-pong okanye ukhetho lomongameli. Abanye abantu baze bahlale bengenakuphikisana, ubomi buya kuba buthathaka. Ngelixa abanye abantu bangabhalela ubomi babo ngokusekelwe kubaluleka "bokuphuma phezulu," ngumgaqo wentlekele kubantu abaninzi abanonophelo.
Kwakukho ixesha kwizopolitiko zaseMerika xa kuthengiswa kunye nokuhlaliswa kwabantu bezingcamango ezifanelekileyo. Ngoku, bobabini banokuqwalaselwa ngabaninzi njengokunciphisa imigaqo. Ukuba inkolelo jikelele isulele iinkalo ezininzi ezinxulumene nezobupolitika, kuquka ukunyamekela.
Ukunamathela kwezikhundla ezingapheliyo ekunakekeleni kunokwenzeka ukuba kunokubangela ukubandezeleka kunokudityaniswa. Ngoko ngexesha elizayo xa ufuna ukungena kwimpikiswano, zibuze: 1) yintoni injongo yokunyamekela kwam? 2) Ziza kuthinteka ntoni kum izenzo zam nomntu ondikhathalelayo? 3) Yiyiphi isicwangciso esilungileyo esingasisebenzisa ukufeza injongo yam?
Ukunyamekela ngokunyanisekileyo kusekelwe ngakumbi kwi "grays of life" kunokuba "abamhlophe" okanye "abamnyama." Ngokusebenzisa ezi nyathelo ezintathu ngaphambi kokuthatha isigqibo malunga nokuchasana, uya kufumana ukuba ezininzi iziganeko ezinganeliseki ezibangelwa yimpikiswano nciphisa.