Ukufa kukungathinteki nokungaqiniseki kokungavumeleki kobomi, kwaye ukubonakala kwayo kusenza sizive sikhululekile njengento encinane. Kwaye ininzi inkulumo yabantu iyanzima ukuthetha nomntu olila ukulahlekelwa ngumthandayo. Ngethemba lokubonelela ngenduduzo, abantu bahlala bechonga kwii-clichés nakwezinye iindibano ezizikhumbuza ngokukhawuleza ukuze ziphephe ukuthula.
Ngelishwa, ngelixa iinjongo ezilungileyo, ezininzi zeentetho ezivakalayo ezisetyenziselwa emangcwabeni, ivukile kunye neendlebe zoxolo ziphosakeleyo kwaye, ngokungathandabuzekiyo, zingenakuqonda. Nazi ezintlanu amagama aqhelekileyo ongafanele uthethe kumngcwabo okanye enkonzweni yesikhumbuzo kumntu osilela ukufa komntu othandekayo.
"Ndiyazi Indlela Oziva ngayo"
Hayi, awuyi.
Nangona, ngokomzekelo, nawe ufumene ukufa ngokungenakuzelelwa kwentombazana yakho eneminyaka engama-16 ubudala, obizwa ngokuba ngu-Anne, kwingozi engxakini yokuqhubela utywala eyenzeka ngendlela efanayo, emva kweentsuku ezingama-22 emva kokuba naye ilayisenisi yakhe, ngelixa iqhuba isithuthi esibhakabhaka, kwaye ngelo xesha lobusuku ... - nangona imeko ifana njalo, awukwazi ukuba umntu uvakalelwa njani ngokulahlekelwa ngumntwana wakhe .
Njengobuntu bethu, indlela umntu ngamnye aphendula ngayo aze aphendule intlungu iyingqayizivele. Ukuchaza ukuba uyazi ukuba ubani ovakalelwa kukuba uyazithoba.
Indlela engcono : Ukuba ufumene nokufa komntu osondeleyo kwaye unomuva wokufuna ukuyifumana, yenza njalo ngendlela yombuzo ovulekileyo okanye izimvo. Umzekelo, unokuthi, "Xa ndandifika intombi yam, ndazigweba ngokumvumela ukuba asebenzise imoto ngalobo busuku." Ukuba uvakalelwa ngaloo ndlela, nceda uyazi ukuba ndilapha ukuthetha naluphi na ixesha. "
Kwaye ukuba ungayazi indlela umntu olila ngayo ukuvakalelwa kukuba, kulungile ukuthetha nje, "Andiyazi ukuba uthetha ntoni, kodwa nceda uyazi ukuba ndiyaxolisa." (Gwema ukuthetha nje, "Ndiyaxolisa ngenxa yokulahlekelwa kwakho." Le binzana iyayifaka kwaye ixhomekeke kubantu ababuhlungu.)
"Uhlala kwindawo engcono ngoku"
Nabani na othetha eli binzana ngokucacileyo akazange alwe nelahleko ngonaphakade lomntu osondeleyo ngenxa yokufa. Umama ojongene nekamva ngaphandle komntwana wakhe, umhlolokazi wokuqala ebuyela endlwini engenanto awabelana ngayo nomkakhe iminyaka emininzi, nabani na onzima ukuqonda ukuba kutheni umqhubi wemoto owayedla ngokuqhutyelwa ngotywala wayesemva kwevili "ngalobo busuku" abasindileyo (kunye nabanye abaninzi belila ukufa) bacinga ukuba indawo efanelekileyo kunazo zonke abo bathandekayo abafayo kulungile kwicala labo naphakathi kwabaphilayo.
Ukuxelela ngenye indlela usizi, nangona ukholelwa ukuba indawo engcono izulu, ibonisa ukuba kufanele ukuba ujabule malunga nokulahleka kwaye ukukhala nokubonisa intlungu ngeemeko akukho ndawo. (Kwaye nangona i sililo si kholelwa ebomini emva kokufa, ukulahlekelwa ngumntu othandekayo kudlala kunzima ukukholwa .Khumbula, umpostile ozinikeleyo uPetros wayephika uYesu kathathu, ngokweBhayibhile.)
Indlela engcono : Nabani na osibanjwe kwimiphunga yentlungu ebambileyo ukuvuma ukuba kutheni umntu ondibathandayo engekho kwindawo enye - phakathi kwabaphilayo . Ngoko ke, akukho sizathu sokuba ucebise ukuba ukhona kwenye indawo ngoku. Kunoko, yabelane ngememori yakho oyithandayo yomntu ofileyo, ukuba kufanelekile, enokukunceda akhumbule ezinye iinkumbulo ezifudumeleyo ngobomi bakhe.
"Musa ukukhala" okanye "Kufuneka Ube Namandla"
Ukuphawula ngendlela umntu aphendule ngayo okanye ukusingatha imeko enzima iyancipha kwaye ayikho enye injongo ngaphandle kokudala iimvakalelo zecala kunye / okanye inzondo. Ngokuqhelekileyo, abantu banamaqela amaninzi afanayo okanye iintlungu zesifo emva kokulahleka okukhulu, kodwa xa umntu kwaye ubonisa njani indlela yakhe yokuphendula intlungu.
Ukuxelela isililo akufanele avelise iimvakalelo ngokwemvelo kunokufaka isandla kwisenzo esisiqhelo okanye esiyinkimbinkimbi sokuphendula ngenxa yokuba umntu akakwazi ukucwangcisa, kwaye ekugqibeleni uyamkela, iimvakalelo ezinxulumene nokulahlekelwa kukufa.
Indlela engcono : Susa umsebenzi wakho wengqondo okwesikhashana kwaye uvumeleke ukuba uphendule ngokomzwelo. Amagama awubalulekile ngoku ngoku; uyakwazisa kwaye ukhunjulwe uya kubamba isandla sakho kunye nobabini bakho, ixesha elide, ukuvalelwa kwesandla sakho kwihlombe, okanye iinyembezi ezabelwana ngazo.
"Ukhangeleka NgokoMvelo"
Ngaba uye wakha wakhangela umntu ophilayo waza wathi into enje? Kakade akunjalo, kuba umntu okhangeleka okwemvelo ebomini ukhangeleka, kakuhle ... yendalo . Ngamanye amagama, asiyivanga isidingo sokuphawula kuso. Ukuchaza eli gqabaza xa ukhangele umntu ofile elele ebhokisini, nangona kunjalo, kugxininisa ukuba akaphili.
Ukongezelela, enye yezona zinto zixhaphakileyo zengcwaba zokuqeqeshwa kwenkonzo yokungcwaba yinto yokuba intsapho iya kucinga ukuba umthandi oqingqiweyo kunye nococeko akakhange abhekise ngokwemvelo, oko kukuthi, indlela awayeyenza ngayo xa ehlala. Ngaloo ndlela, ukuba ngowokuqala ukubeka izimvo ngokubonakala komntu oshonile akusoze kubulumko kuba awukwazi nje ukuba ilungu lentsapho okanye umntu osondeleyo osondeleyo ucinga.
Indlela engcono : Ngokucacileyo, ukuba isijwili sibuza kuwe ngokucacileyo, "Ngaba akabukeka kakuhle?" ngoko kufuneka uvumelane ngokukhawuleza. Okufutshane, thintela naziphi na izimvo malunga nokubonakala komntu oshonile kwisimo esityumkisiweyo / sokuhlanjululwa, njengokuvuswa okanye ukuhanjelwa. Kunoko, yabelane ngenkumbulo evuyayo ovakalelwa ngayo / uhambisa into ethile ekhethekileyo ngomntu owafa.
"Ndixelele Ukuba Ndiyakunceda"
Ukuxelela umntu omazi ngenxa yokufa-kwaye esele ekhulelwe ngengqondo ngenxa yobuninzi bezinqumo ayenokwenza ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ezedlulileyo-ukuba ufuna ukuba enze esinye isinqumo asithandeki kwaye asithwale. Ngaphezulu, umntu akayekanga ingqalelo kwizinto eziyimfuneko kunye noxanduva lwakhe lobomi "obuqhelekileyo" ukususela ekufeni. Ukubuza lo mbuzo, ngoko ke, uzibeka nje kwindawo ukuze wenze uzive ungenakunceda.
Indlela engcono : Ukuba unqwenela ukunceda isikhalazo ngelo xesha, yitsho nje ukuba uya kumfowunela kwiveki ezayo emva kokuba izinto zihleli phantsi. Ngelo xesha, kungekuphela nje ukuba iinkonzo zokungcwaba kunye nezokuthutha zigqityiwe, kodwa iindwendwe ezingaphandle kweedolophu ziya kuba zibuyele ekhaya, nazo.
Yaye xa uthe wabiza, kufuneka uqhubeke unikezela ngesiphakamiso esithile okanye ezimbini kunokushiya umntu oshonelwe. Unokunikela ukuba unqunyulwe utshani, uqhube umqhubi okanye wenze enye indawo yokuqala yangaphandle. Ukucoca indlu, ukwenza uhlamba okanye ukuqokelela ezinye ukutya kunokuqinisekileyo kukunceda, ngokunjalo. Mhlawumbi uninzi oluxabiso luya kuba ngumnikelo wokuzisa ukutya kunye nokuchitha ixesha elithile ukuphulaphula, ukuba umntu uzive efana nokuthetha, okanye ukubonelela ngokukhawuleza.
Uluhlu lokuFunda
- Iimpawu zoMngcwabo: Iingcamango ezingenakuzikhusela zokugwema ukusebenzisa
- Kuthetha ntoni xa umntu elahlekelwe ngumntwana
- Iingcebiso ezintlanu zokuBhala / Ukuhambisa i-Eulogy ephumelelayo