Ibinzana elithi "ukuyeka ukuhamba" sele lithandwa kakhulu kwiminyaka yamuva nje, kodwa ukuxolela nokuvumela ukuhamba kuthetha ntoni kumntu onomdlavuza? Kutheni sifuna ukuthukuthela kunye nentukuthelo kunye nokwesaba, kwaye yintoni imiphumo? Yaye unokwenza njani ukuba uyeke ukuhamba kwezi mvakalelo kunye nemvakalelo ukuze uphile ngokugqibeleleyo emva kokuxilongwa komhlaza?
Kuthetha ukuthini ukuxolela nokuyeka?
Ukuvumela ukuhamba nokuxolela akuthethi ukuyeka.
Akuthethi ukubeka naluphi na ugxininiso oluncinci kunyango lwakho. Akuthethi ukuba kulungile xa umntu ekulimaza. Kusho nje ukuvumela ukuhamba kweengcamango ezingalunganga onokuzibandakanya ezingenzi negalelo kwaye unokususa, ukukwazi kwakho ukuhlala ngokugcwele. Kuthetha ukuqamba igama, kwaye ukhulula ukwesaba okukhulu, umsindo, kunye nentukuthelo ukuze ukhululeke ukuzonwabisa. Nangona ukuxolelwa kuyisinyathelo sokuvumela ukuba uyeke, akuthethi ukulibala iimpazamo zakho zangaphambili okanye ukugxotha iindlela oye wazilimaza ngayo ngezenzo zabanye. Kuthetha nje ukuba awuyi kuhlaziya kwaye uhlala kwiimpazamo zakho zangaphambili kunye neenhlamba zabanye ngendlela ebenza bahlale bephambili kwengqondo yakho ngathi ukuba kwenzeka namhlanje. Ngale ndlela, ukuxolelwa kuyaphilisa.
Kutheni Sihlala Sihlala Sihlala Sibuhlungu Ngokwenene?
Ukuba umsindo kunye nentukuthelo ayinalo injongo ebomini bethu kwaye yenzakalisa ngokwenene, kutheni sixhomeke ngokukhawuleza ukuba sibe nomsindo kwaye sizisole?
Ngamanye amaxesha kungenxa yokuba asizange sichaze ukwesaba kwethu kunye nomsindo. Ngamanye amaxesha iimvakalelo ziphantse zibe yimbozi yethu. Kanti ngamanye amaxesha sinamathela kwimpembelelo yethu ngendlela yeengqondo ezithintekayo, ingqondo ethi, "Uphumelele, ungumntu oxabisekileyo kwaye uhlaziya indlela oye wanyanzeliswa ngayo kwaye unobungozi bubonakalisa ukubaluleka kwakho." Ngethamsanqa, kukho iindlela, ngaphaya kokugcina umsindo kunye nentukuthelo engakhumbuza ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zibalulekile.
Iziphumo zokungavumi ukuhamba
Nangona kukho impikiswano phezu kwempembelelo yokuba nentukuthelo kunye nentukuthelo inomdlavuza, kukho into ecacileyo; kuthatha ixesha lokuvuselela intukuthelo kunye nelobububi buba buhlungu ixesha elixabisekileyo ebomini bethu - nokuba oko kuthetha iintsuku ezili-9 okanye iminyaka engama-90. Yintoni ongayenzayo, okanye uyonwabele, endaweni yoko uzaliswe ngamaxesha apho unomnakela wakho umsindo kunye nokulimala?
Ukuba umntu ukulimaza, ngaba ufuna ngokwenene ukumnika umntu elinye iyure ebomini bakho njengoko uphinde uphila ubomi; ngokwenene ukuguqula amandla akho kumntu ophulukisayo? Ukuba umsindo wakho malunga nokukhetha kwakho okungalunganga, ngaba kuya kukunceda wena, okanye nawuphi na umntu, ukuba uzijezise esinye ixesha? Mhlawumbi akunjalo. Ukuyeka ukuhamba kungenako ukuphucula ukuhlala kwakho, kodwa kuya kwenza into ethile. Kuya kukukhulula ukuba usebenzise iiyure ozishiyile ukwenza into evakalelwa kuyo.
Ziziphi Izinto Ongazenza Ngomdlavuza Unqwenela Ukuyeka?
Unokwazi ukuba kukho izinto ozimele uvumeleke kuzo, kodwa ungazi apho uqala khona. Nazi ezinye iingcinga. Unokufuna ukuyeka ukuhamba:
- Nantoni na eqala ngegama: "Kuthiwani ukuba ...."
- Nantoni na ehamba kunye nemigca "ingaba nayo, iya kuba, kwaye ifanele ibe nayo."
- Intukuthelo xa uxilongwa. Usenokuba wabuza: "Kutheni na?" Mhlawumbi waqala ukuphazamiseka, okanye ukuxilongwa kwakho kwabambezeleka. Unokuziva utyhafile kwindlela umhlaza ophazamise ngayo izicwangciso zakho zobomi, kwaye uzive uhlungu malunga neempawu kunye nemiphumo emibi yomhlaza wakho kunye nokunyangwa komhlaza.
- Ukulawula ulwalamano lwakho. Kuthe kwathiwa into enye eqhubekayo nomhlaza, iyatshintsha. Ubudlelwane phantse phantse utshintsho emva kokuxilongwa komhlaza. Mhlawumbi udidekile kwaye unomsindo kumntu owacingayo umhlobo osondeleyo, kodwa loo mhlobo ushiyweka emva kokuba ufumanisa; yaphela ngelixa ufuna inkxaso kunanini ngaphambili. Okanye, ngokuchaseneyo, mhlawumbi uziva utyhafile okanye uzwela ngabanye.
Izinyathelo ezili-10 zokuxolela nokuvumela ukuba uye kuPhila
Kulungile - ngoko kukulungele ukuhamba. Kodwa uqala phi? Ukuba ulungele ukukhupha loo mithwalo enzima, zama ezi nyathelo.
- Igama Lalo - Isinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekileyo ekuvumela ukuba uhambe kukuba ufumanise umsindo wakho, ukwesaba, uxinzelelo kunye neentlungu. Kuze kube yilapho ubiza igama elimi phakathi kwakho kunye nolonwabo kunzima ukuyilungisa, kwaye usenokuba nengqiqo engaqondakaliyo yokungabi nabulungisa. Ukujonga kwiintlu zokuziva amazwi angezantsi kunokukunceda ucacise oko uvakalelwa khona, uze ukhangela imbangela yoluvo. Ngokomzekelo, ngaba uziva uhlazo, ukuzisola, umsindo, ukukrakra, ukudideka okanye ukudibanisa le mivakalelo?
- Cinga uhambo - Ukugcina iphephancwadi kungaba yindlela ecacileyo yokucacisa nokubonisa izinto ezidla kuwe. Oku kuthetha, kubalulekile ukusebenzisa i-journaling ukucacisa nokulungisa iingcamango zakho, kunokuba ube yindlela yokukhanyisa ngeendlela ozenzileyo.
- Cinga - Naluphi na ubuhlungu obufumene okanye obuthatyathekileyo, mhlawumbi uhlale uphila ngezihlandlo ezininzi. Thatha umzuzu wokugqibela uhlaziye kwaye ucinge ngemibandela eye yenza ukuba ube nomsindo. Zivakale iimvakalelo zakho ngokupheleleyo, njengoko uzilungiselela ukuzivumela ukuba zihambe.
- Zivakalise - Ukubonisa iimvakalelo zakho ezimbi kukuba indlela yokuzivuma zona, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kwabanye. Oku kunokuthetha ukuthetha ngokuzwakalayo, mhlawumbi ukhale, mhlawumbi ukhawuleza. Abanye abantu bakhetha ukuveza iimvakalelo zabo ngokubhala. Ukuba umntu ukulimaza, unokuba ufuna ukubhala ileta, okanye, ukuba loo mntu akanakwenzeka, ubhale ileta kubo ongayithumiyo. Ukuba uziva uninzi lomsindo ungathanda ukubeka phantsi iingcamango zakho kwiphepha, uze ulifake okanye ulitshise. Xa siphathwa kakubi (okanye into esiyakholelwayo yinto engalungile) sihlala sinomnqweno onamandla wokujamelana nomntu osilimazile kwaye senze uxolo. Xa oko kwenzeka, kunokuba nzima ukukwazi ukuba uthetha nini, kwaye nini ukuthula. Umbuzo ongathanda ukuzibuza ngaphambi kokuba uhlangabezane nomhlobo okanye ilungu lentsapho ngulo: "Ngaba kubaluleke ukuba ndibe ngileyo okanye ndibe nothando?" (Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele ukuba abanye abantu abafana nalabo babesebizwa ngokuba yi-narcissistic personality disorder abaphendulanga kakuhle kwi-confrontation, kwaye endaweni yokuxolisa banokwenza okubi kakhulu ukukhusela i-egos yabo ephosakeleyo-kungekhona into oyifunayo xa uxhathisa umdlavuza .)
- Ukuxolela - Mhlawumbi inzima kunzima ukuyeka ukuxolelwa. Ngamanye amaxesha ungadinga ukuxolela omnye umntu, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ufanele uxolele. Ukuxolela akuthethi ukulibala okanye ukuvumela abanye ukuba baqhubeke belimaza nganoma iyiphi indlela. Akuthethi ukuba into eyenzeka kuwe ilungile. Esikhundleni saloo nto, kuthetha ukuba unqweneli ukuvumela zonke izikhalazo ozibambelayo kuwe okanye abanye ukuba baqhubeke belimaza ngokuthatha uvuyo lwakho namhlanje. Ngokuxolela abo bakulimazayo, ubuyisela amandla akho. Ukuxolela kuthetha ukuba unqabile ukunikela amandla akho kumntu owenze kakubi. Ukuxolela kuyaphilisa.
- Yenza izilungiso - Ngaba kukho na umntu ebomini bakho ophethe inceba ngaye? Ukuba kunjalo, oko akuthethi ukuba kufuneka ucele ukuxolelwa. Kodwa kulabo bathandekayo kunye nabahlobo oziva bekhuselekile ukuthetha nabo-obani, ngokuqinisekileyo, baxolela abantu ngokwabo-bacinge ukuba baphakamise inkinga (kanye) kwaye bacele ukuxolelwa. Inokumangalisa ukuba isicelo esilula sokuxolela sinokuthobisa iintliziyo.
- Hlaziya kwakhona kwaye Ukhangele iiLatin kunye nezifundo zeSiliva- kaninzi kukho iindlela ezimbini zokujonga nayiphi na imeko. Ukuhlaziywa kwengqondo yindlela yokujonga amava ngendlela eyahlukileyo-indlela yokutshintsha indlela ocinga ngayo. Ngokomzekelo, endaweni yokulila iintlungu zakho ngexesha le-chemotherapy, ungathetha ngendlela enhle ngayo ukuba ungayihoyi imilenze yakho inyanga eziliqela. Ngamanye amaxesha ukugxeka kuthatha kuphela utshintsho lwamagama, umzekelo, endaweni yokubukela into ekhuphayo, unokuyijonga njengenzima. Ukukhangela iinqununu zesilivere yindlela enye yokujonga imeko efanayo kodwa uhlangabezana nayo ngendlela eyahlukileyo. Ngokomzekelo, endaweni yokucinga ngemisebenzi oyinikezele ngexesha lotyando lwemhlaza, unokucinga ngezihlobo ongeyilunganga ukuba akuyiyo yokufumanisa umdlavuza. Nangona ukukhwabanisa akunakwenzeka kwaye unenkathazo yokufumana iinqununu zesilivere, unokufuna ukucinga ngezifundo ozifundileyo kwinkqubo yokufumana intlungu yomzwelo ebangelwa ngabanye okanye wena. Amava amaninzi ebomini bethu, nangona buhlungu, asifundisa izifundo ezibalulekileyo. Ukuba ubuhlungu, wenzani ukuba ubenzakaliswa?
- Camngca, Thandaza, okanye udibanise neNdalo - Umoya unokudlala indima enamandla ekukhululeni umsindo kunye noyiko. Abanye abantu bafumana induduzo ngokuhamba ngaphandle kwendalo. Abanye bafumana induduzo ngomthandazo, ngelixa abanye bakhetha ukucamngca , ukuphefumula, okanye ukudala ubugcisa. Ukuvumela ixesha lokuzola ngoxa ukwenza isigqibo sokuyeka umsindo nentukuthelo kunokukukhulula ukuba uthathe amanyathelo alandelayo ukuze uphile ngokuzonwabisa ngeli xesha.
- Ukuzibonela ngoxolo - Ukuba uye wakwenza ukubonakaliswa kwakho unokubona ukuba unamandla kangakanani lo msebenzi.
- Yenza Indawo Yakho Yomsindo kwaye Uyike Ngento Enye - Kungekhona nje intukuthelo enjengobuthi onokuzilungiselela abanye uze uphuze ngokwakho, njengoko isicatshulwa sibonisa, kodwa umsindo kunye nentukuthelo inokuzalisa ixesha elininzi elinokuthi lisetyenziswe ukwenza nayiphi na into. Cinga ngobomi bakho; Yintoni onokuthanda ukwenza ukuba awunayo ixesha lokuyenza? Ukuba ubuya kutshintsha ixesha ohlala kuyo kwixesha elidlulileyo lenza kakubi ukwenza enye yezinto uza kuvuya ngakumbi?
Phinda kwakhona njengoko kuyimfuneko.
Amanyathelo alandelayo
Nangona emva kokuba usebenze ngemibandela eyenze umsindo kunye nentlungu ngexesha elidlulileyo, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuba namaxesha apho loo mvakalelo ephazamisayo iphinda ingavunyelwanga kwakhona, kwaye, ekubeni ngumntu, kuya kuhlala "imitsha" imiba edala umsindo kumalungu ethu. Ukuba ndiza kuthiwa enye into endikuncede kakhulu ekujonganeni nemvakalelo yomhlaza, ukugcina iphepha lokubonga liza kuthatha izandla phantsi. Kunzima ukubonisa ukubonga nokuvakalelwa ngxeshanye. Yaye akuyona indlela embi yokufumana iinqununu zesilivere mhlawumbi ungayinakunqanda.
Imithombo:
National Cancer Institute. Umdlavuza kunye nemizwelo. Updated 12/02/14.