Ukufumana ukuvalwa kunye noxolo ekupheleni koBomi
Xa abaninzi abantu beqwalasela imisebenzi umntu ofayo kufuneka ayenze bacinge ngokuthanda, ukuthembela, amalungiselelo enyango kunye nokucwangciswa kwengcwaba . Enyanisweni, kukho umsebenzi obalulekileyo obalulekileyo omele wenziwe ukuze kufikelelwe ukuvulwa kobudlelwane kunye nokufa okunokuthula .
Into ebalulekileyo ebomini ubuhlobo bethu nalabo esibathandayo. Imisebenzi emihlanu yokufa ifuna ukugqiba nokudibanisa olu lwalamano.
Kwincwadi yakhe Yezinto Ezi-4 Ezibaluleke Kangako , uDkt. Ira Byock ufundisa izinto ezine ezibalulekileyo ukuba umntu ofayo kufuneka ayenze ngaphambi kokuba atshele abantu abathandekayo. Nangona le mi sebenzi ingafaneleki kuphela ngabantu abafayo -kufanele sonke sikhumbule ukugqiba imisebenzi 1-4 rhoqo-bayingxenye ebalulekileyo yomsebenzi wokufa.
Cela Ukuxolelwa
Sonke senze izinto ebomini bethu ezibuhlungu abantu esibathandayo, ngokuzithandela okanye ngokungazenzisiyo. Sonke sithwala amanxeba nathi ukuba intsapho kunye nabahlobo basichasene nathi kwaye sonke siphezu kwezilonda kulabo esibathandayo. Ukuphilisa okubaluleke kakhulu ekupheleni kobomi akuphi ukuphilisa ngokomzimba, kodwa kunoko kuphilisa loo mahlungu.
UDkt. Byock uthelekisa ukuphiliswa kwamanxeba angokomzimba kwiilonda zomzimba. Ukuze isilonda somzimba siphilise, yonke inkunkuma kunye neetukisi ezinesifo kufuneka zihlanjwe; ngenxa yesilonda sengqondo ukuphilisa, zonke izinto ezinobuthi phakathi kwabantu ababini kufuneka zihlanjwe.
Indlela efanelekileyo yokucoca ulwalamano lwakho lwezintlu ezinobuthi kukufuna ukuxolelwa.
Ukucela ukuxolelwa akulula, ngakumbi xa sivakalelwa kukuba asiqondwa kakuhle okanye sisesikweni kwizenzo zethu. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuba uvakalelwa njani malunga nokukhwela kwakho, ukucela ukuxolelwa kungabakho amava kunye nokulungiselela ulwalamano lwakho nalo lonke umsebenzi olufunekayo lwenziwe.
Ukunikezela Ukuxolela
Le yinye imisebenzi enzima ukuba baninzi bethu bazalise. Ukunikezela ukuxolelwa kumntu esivakalelwa kukuba akafumananga nzima. Kodwa kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba ukuxolela umntu esiyithandayo akusilolwanga ngumntu lowo. Ukuxolela kuphelisa isipho esizizinikelayo; xa sixolela, umoya wethu ukhululekile umsindo kunye nentukuthelo.
Ukongezelela ukuxolela abanye, kubaluleke ngokulinganayo ukuzithethelela. Akungabazeki ukuba wenza izinto ongaziqhenyanga ngazo. Sonke senze izinto esizisola ngazo, senze iimpazamo ezimbi, kwaye sonke sinobufihlakele obufihlakeleyo. Asifezekanga! Kodwa sihlala siqine ngakumbi kunabanye. Nangona umhlobo okanye ilungu lentsapho likunike ukuxolelwa, usenokufumana kunzima ukuzixolela. Kodwa ukuxolela ngokwakho isenzo esiphambili sobubele, ukuvumela ukuba ufumane ukuzwamkela kunye nothando.
Ukunikezela Ngombulelo
Sonke sinesidingo sangasese sokubonga nokuvakalelwa. Abaninzi bethu bakholelwa ngephutha ukuba asifuni ukuba sithethe amagama athi "siyabonga" ngokuzwakalayo. Sicinga ukuba abathandekayo bethu bayazi ukuba sinombulelo ngayo yonke into abasenzele yona. Inyaniso kukuba, abantu abathandekayo bethu ababaziyo ngokwenene ukuba siyabaxabisa kangakanani.
Ukubonga ngenxa yezenzo zobubele abanye abaye bafikelela kuwe kulula kwaye kulula. Kuthatha ixesha elifutshane kunye nomgudu wokuthi "ngiyabonga," kodwa kunokuba nefuthe elikhulu ekuzaliseni ubudlelwane obubalulekileyo. Unokufumana into enokuyibonga kuyo yonke ubudlelwane ebomini bakho. Kwizinto ezine ezibaluleke kakhulu , uDkt. Byock unikela umzekelo ka-Avi noyise uSimon. USimon wayenenkohlakalo enyantisayo ku-Avi ekhulayo. Nangona kunjalo, u-Avi wakwazi ukuxolela uyise waza wambonga uSimon ngokumnika ubomi. Isenzo sikaSimon esinika ubomi ku-Avi sasinelisekile ukuba simbulele.
Ngokuqinisekileyo unokufumana into enokuyibonga ngobudlelwane obunye ebomini bakho. Ngoku lixesha lokubaxelela "Siyabonga!"
Ukunikela Ngeengqondo Zothando
Uh oh. Ngoku sithatha i-mushy neyokuvakalelwa. Ngaphambi kokuba unqabile kulo msebenzi ucinga ukuba "ngowesifazana" okanye "uthinteka," yima okwesikhashana uze ucinge ngalawo maqabane obaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Ngaba unako ukuqonda iimvakalelo zothando ngamnye kulaba bantu? Nangona ingahluka kumntu kumntu, uthando kwabanye luyinto engokwemvelo kunye nokubaluleka kwemizwelo yabantu. Kodwa ukuthetha amagama athi "Ndiyakuthanda" kunokuba nzima ukuba abantu abaninzi bathethe.
Ukuba unxibelelana ne "cala" kwaye ufumanisa kulula ukuveza iimvakalelo zakho ngokuthi "Ndiyakuthanda," ke qhubeka uyenze. Ukuba wena, njengabantu abaninzi, ufumanisa ukuba la mazwi amancinane amathathu ayesabisa ngaphezu kokuxhuma kwindiza ngaphandle kweparachute, kukho ezinye iindlela ongabonisa ngazo uthando.
Abanye abantu banokukhululeka ukubonisa uthando kwileta ebhaliweyo okanye kwikhadi. Abanye bafumana okucacileyo, kodwa ngendlela efanelekileyo yokubonisa uthando. Kwizinto ezine ezibaluleke kakhulu kubali ibali elitshiwo ngo-Gunter owayengumntwana wayefa. U-Gunter akazange akhululeke ukubonisa uthando lwakhe ngoyise; akuzange kwenziwe kwindlu yabo yamaLuthere yaseJalimane. Emva koko uGunter waqaphela isicelo sikayise sokuba u-Gunter amcebe njengendlela yokubamba umnxeba kunye nomdla. Umqhubi waqala ukuhlambulula uyise rhoqo imihla kunye nokunyamekela ngokunyamekela kwakhe njengoko uyise wayenqaba. Isenzo esilula sokunyamekela ngomnxeba wothando kwakuyindlela ecacileyo yokuba u-Gunter noyise babonise uthando lwabo.
Ziziphi iindlela onokuzenza ngayo ubuchule ekuboniseni uthando lwakho?
Yithi Bhayi-Bhayi
I-Goodbye iyimfuneko ebalulekileyo kubantu abaninzi abafa. Abo bethu abasebenza kunye nabafayo banokuxelela ibali yezigulane ezifa ezigcinwe ixesha elide kunokuba kufuneka ukuba zenzeke ukwenzela ukuba zitsho abathandekayo kubathandekayo. Ibali elimangalisayo lale misebenzi lingatholakala kwiincwadi zokugqibela zeMaggie Callanan noPatricia Kelley. Iindaba zabantu abaye bahlala phakathi kobomi nokufa, balinde ukuthetha, zikhumbuza ukuba asifanele silinde kude kube nomzuzu wokugqibela ukuthatha amanyathelo 1-4.
Sonke sivale amabali achukumisayo abantu abaya kwixesha elide lokuthetha izinto ezintle- umama othenge kwaye wambamba izipho ukuba intombi yakhe ivule yonke imihla yokuzalwa kunye nomhla wakhe womtshato; Umntwana obhala abazali bakhe incwadi yeenkondlo; ubaba owenza idayari yevidiyo kubantwana bakhe ngokungapheliyo ubomi bakhe kwaye ebiza ngokuthi uyabathanda. Zonke i-goodbyes ayifuni ukuba yile ngcaciso. Xa usuyenzile ngemisebenzi emine yokuqala, zonke ezishiyweyo ukuzenza ziyakwazi ukuphazamiseka kokubaluleka kokuphila kwaye ujabulele ubukho babantu obathandayo.
Ukuthabatha ibuhlungu kodwa akumele kube buhlungu. Ukuba uthe wagqiba ulwalamano lwakho olubalulekileyo ngokwenza imisebenzi ye-1-4, ukutsho ukuba ukulahla kunokuba yindlela enomvandalo yokukhumbuza abo uyithandayo indlela yokuphila engapheliyo. Ingaba yindlela enhle yokukhumbula ukuhlala ubomi ngokuzeleyo kwaye ugxininise kwizinto ezibaluleke kakhulu-ubudlelwane nabo sibathandayo.