Ingcinezelo enkulu evela ekufunyanweni kwimeko yamehlo , ingakumbi ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kwiminyaka ekhulile, ukwazi ukuba unokuhlangabezana njani nexhala eliphezulu elilandela ukulandelwa okungalindelekanga.
Ukuba wena okanye othandekayo uhamba nale nguqu enkulu ebomini bakho, ekubeni ukhangele ngokugqibeleleyo ukuba ube yimpumputhe (mhlawumbi ngokuthe ngcembe okanye ngokukhawuleza), unokufumanisa kakhulu ukunyaniseka ukuba uxoxe ngeemvakalelo zakho neemvakalelo zakho.
Akumangalisi ukuba ukujamelana nokuxinezeleka ngakumbi kwimihla ngemihla yokuphila kunokusongela impilo yethu, ngokwenyama, ngokwengqondo nangokomoya. Ithemba lokulahlekelwa ngumntu ekuboneni lingaba yinto eyoyikisayo. Abanye abantu banokuziva becinezelekile ngokwazi ukuba amehlo abo akasoze afana nanye (okanye ukuba kufuneka axhasane nomntu kule meko) ukuba abanakukwazi ukubeka amagama ngendlela abavakalelwa ngayo, bangabikho nxaxheba belana nabo ngeemvakalelo zabo uthando.
Ngendlela, kufana nokuba neengozi engovakalelo endleleni yobubomi abayiboni ukubaza. Umntu uzizwa eyonakaliswe okanye aphumele, kwaye ukulimala kuqhubeka ngaphakathi ngaphakathi, ukuphosa iingcamango zabo.
Ukuba ngaba kunjalo kuwe, qwalasela i-antidote enye inokusinceda ukuxhalabisa uxhala kunye nokukunceda ukuphatha kakubi ixeshana-ngokuhambisa iingcamango zakho. Oku kubizwa ngokubhala ngokucacileyo.
Ukubhala ngokucacileyo
Ukubhala ngokucacileyo, okanye i-journaling, yindlela yokurekhoda iingcinga zakho ukunceda ukuxhalabisa.
Yindlela yokulawula uxinzelelo ngokubonisa ngokukhululekileyo kwiphephancwadi yangasese (okanye ebhaliwe ngesandla okanye ifakwe kwifayile yekhompyutheni) evumela ukuba ulungele ukuthanda.
Abanye abantu babibiza ngokuba kubhala ngokunyanga ngenxa yokuba 'umbhali' unokukwazi ukungena kwiingcamango ezinzulu ezinganceda ukufumanisa ukwesaba kwabo kunye neemvakalelo zabo.
Kutheni oku kubalulekile? Ngokutsho kukaDkt. James W. Pennebaker (uProfesa we-Regent Centennial of Arts Liberal Arts eYunivesithi yaseTexas, eAustin), owaziwayo ngokuphanda kwakhe ngokubanzi malunga nokufumana imbonakalo yokubhala ngokucacileyo, ukuze ancede abantu bafumane inzuzo enkulu ukubhala malunga neengxaki zabo zobomi, kunceda kuqala ukuvuma iimpawu ezimbi kwaye ubhekane nazo ukuze bakwazi ukuhamba kwisimo esihle sengqondo.
UDkt. Pennebaker wenza uchungechunge lweemvavanyo apho abantu babecelwa ukuba babhale ngokukhululekile ukuya kwishumi elinesihlanu ukuya kwemizuzu engamashumi amabini ngosuku ngemini emine ebonisa amava abo. "Ngokuthelekiswa nabantu abaxelelwe ukuba babhale malunga nezihloko ezingengomzwelo, abo babhala ngengozi babonisa ukuphucula impilo emzimbeni. Uphando oluthile lwafumanisa ukuba ukubhala kwangokomzwelo kwandisa amandla omzimba, kwazisa amaconsi exinzelelo lwegazi, kunye nokunciphisa imizwa yokudandatheka kunye nemihla ngemihla ephakamileyo. "
Ukusebenzisa ukubhala ngokucacileyo njengesixhobo sokuphucula impilo yethu kukhokelela kwizikhulu ezifanayo kwihlabathi jikelele. Njengoko uPennebaker wabhala encwadini yakhe ethi, Imfihlo Yobomi Yeentetho: Oko Kuthetha Amazwi Athu Ngathi, "Nangona iziphumo zisoloko zithobekile, isenzo nje sokuguqula ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo ngamazwi sihambelana nokuphucula kwimpilo yengqondo nengqondo."
Ukubhala ngokucacileyo kwiMpilo
Zininzi iinzuzo ekuboniseni nasekubhaliseni. Abo banako ukuhlala bezolileyo kwaye bathembeke ngokwabo xa becinga imeko ecelomngeni kunye nokuvakalisa iingcamango zabo njengombonisi banokuziva banokunyaniseka emoyeni ngokunyuka intlungu ngale ndlela.
Ukuvuma ukuba i-torrent of fear does not mean for the person to recall them repeatedly but to bring the sense of relief and even to find a meaning in something that seems to be impossible.
Kungekudala, sazama ukubhala ngokucacileyo ngelixa sibhekene nesimo esinzima. Siphalaza ukwesaba kwethu kwifayile yekhompyutha (usebenzisa isofthiwe ye-blind), ichaza ingcamango ebumnyama neyiyoxhomekeke kuyo yonke into engathembekiyo.
Sazibona iimbandezelo zam iingcamango kwaye zababuza. Ngokukhawuleza ibe yinkqubo yokubhala, sifumane ingqwalaselo yam ishintshile kumnye owafuna ukufumana izicombululo.
Kwakunjengonyango. Sasi 'sithetha nathi' kwaye inxalenye engaphakathi, inengqiqo yethu yaqala ukunikela isisombululo esisiqhelanayo esasiyazi ukuba sinokuzama ngokukodwa ixesha elizayo xa ukwesaba kusongela ukubamba kwakhona. Satshintshile indlela yokucinga, sisebenzisa indlela eyahlukileyo kwaye imeko yatshintsha ngendlela efanelekileyo. Siye safunda ukuba ukucamngca nokuzicingisa ngokwakho kufana nokuhamba kunye nengqondo ukuphucula indlela yokuphila.
Cinga ngezi ezinye izibonelelo zokubhala ngokucacileyo ezinokuthi:
- Ukuphelisa uxhalaba lokuxilongwa ngokulawula uxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla
- Qinisekisa ukukhubeka kwengqondo ngokuvakalelwa intlungu uze uyichaze ngendlela engabuhlungu
- Qalisa ingqondo ukukhulula iingcamango ezingekho kakuhle nokuphucula ukuzithemba
- Ukuvakalisa umsindo ngokukhuselekileyo
- Cinga ngezinye iimbono ukuyila isicwangciso senzo
- Ukukhulula ukuva umthwalo kwabanye
- Ukufumana ulwazi olusinceda ukunyanzelisa ukuziva unqabile
- Ukusekwa kwimihla ngemihla yokuzinakekela
- Ukuvuselela iimvakalelo zethemba lokuza uxolo kunye nokukhubazeka
Ubuhle bokusebenzisa ukubhala ngokucacileyo njengesixhobo sempilo kukuba akudingeki ukuba ube ngumbhali olungileyo kuba akukho mntu ufuna ukufunda umsebenzi wakho.
Indlela yokuloba, eyenziwa nguDkt. Ira Progoff kwaye isetyenziswe emhlabeni jikelele, ebizwa ngokuba yi-Intensive Journal Method ijoliswe ngokukodwa ekuncedeni abantu ukuba baqhube ihlabathi labo elingaphakathi ukuba baqhubele phambili kwiimeko zabo zangoku.
UDkt Progoff uthe enye inzuzo enkulu yokubeka amagama kwincwadi (njengencwadi yencwadi ayilungiselele) inceda abantu ukuba "bafumane imbono kwixesha eliphambili lobomi babo ukuze bakwazi ukugxila kwiimeko zabo zobomi ukuze baphendule umbuzo, 'Ndiphi na ngoku kuhamba kwam ebomini?' Ngalolu hlobo, banokuqonda amandla amaphakathi, amathuba amasha, kunye nokufumana izibonelelo kunye neetalente ngaphakathi kwabo. "
Ngokufumana incoko yababini yangaphakathi, i-Progoff icacisa ukuba "indlela leyo inceda abantu ukuba bafumane isingatha kwiinkalo ezininzi ezinzima kunye nocelomngeni zobomi." Ngokuthatha ixesha lokucwangcisa oko sivakalelwa ngexesha lesiganeko sokuphila, senza ukhuseleko indawo apho kufuneka abuyele khona ixesha elifutshane.
5 Amanyathelo okubhala ngokucacileyo
Ukuba ufuna ukufumana ukucaca ngakumbi kumngeni wakho wokuphila wangoku, nango maqhosha ama-5 ukuqala iphepha lakho lokubhala (usebenzisa i-notebook enkulu okanye ukudala ifayile kwikhompyutheni yakho). Okokuqala, khetha indawo ephumlileyo apho ungayi kuphazamiseka ubuncinane kwiminithi engamashumi amabini.
Qala kunye nalapho ukhona khona ngoku. Bhala iimvakalelo zakho kunye neengcamango malunga neemeko zakho zangoku - njengokuba uvulekile kwaye unyanisekile njengoko unako. Akunjalo nabani na oya kufunda iphepha lakho, ukuze udibanise ngokubhala. Ungesabi ukuzisa konke ukwesaba kwakho, iingcinga zakho 'ezingenanto' - zonke zivumelekile. Isibalulekileyo kukubonakalisa umhlaba wakho ongaphakathi ngaphandle kokubeka isigwebo kwizinto ozibhalayo. Zibuze:
- Yintoni endiyikisayo kakhulu kule meko entsha?
- Yintoni ndivakalelwa kukuba andinakuhlanganyela nabani na ngoku?
Jot phantsi nantoni na; iingcamango ezinzulu, ukungathandabuzeki, ukungacamanga, ukunyaniseka, okanye iziqwenga zesoyika njengoko zihluma. Iingcamango ezimnyama zingaba lighter ukuba zithwale xa zityhila kwaye ziboniswe ephepheni. Inkqubo inokukunceda ubuthongo ngokukhulula ingqondo yakho.
Musa ukuhlela inkqubo yakho yokucinga. Ukubhala nje ngokuba unyango lusebenza kakuhle xa ungazami ukugqiba ukubhala kwakho. Ku malunga nokukunceda ukuba uphilise kwaye uphumelele kunokuba uphelele kwiimeko zakho ngoku. Ekuhambeni kwexesha, unokufuna iinkonzo zokuvuselela ukukunceda ukujamelana nemeko yakho entsha kodwa ngoku, ngokutsha kwesohlwayiso esisongelayo, bhala nje ngokunyanisekileyo ukuze udibanise neemvakalelo zinyani.
Khumbula ukuba udaba luba ngumhlobo wakho omhle. Cinga ukuthululela intliziyo yakho kumhlobo omhle-oza kwenzeka nje kuwe. Umhlobo okhoyo ukuphulaphula, ukuvumela ukuba uveze indlela ozivakalelwa ngokwenene ngayo kunye nomhlobo okhathalele ngokwenene impilo yakho.
Ngokubhala phantsi iingcamango zakho, ubeka ingqwalasela ngokupheleleyo kwiimbilini kunye nentliziyo. Njengokuba uthetha umhlobo othandekayo othandekayo, unokuvula ngakumbi. Ngaba kukho enye imibuzo ayayibuza yona? Ukuba kunjalo, phendula oku kwaye ubhale ngaphandle kokuhlela.
Ngamafutshane, zama ukubhala phantsi isiluleko sakho 'somhlobo omhle' esiza kunika kule meko.
Hlela kwakhona iingcinga zakho ngolunye usuku ngexesha. Ukuhamba imfama kuyinto eguqula ubomi. Akukho nto engalunganga okanye indlela efanelekileyo yokusingatha lo mngeni-mngeni, kodwa zikho iindlela ezilungileyo zokukunceda ukuba uphumelele. Ngaloo mihla xa uziva ungayi ndawo okanye mhlawumbi ubuyele emuva, zama ukuhlaziya imeko. Bhala ebhokisini lakho izinto ezinokubonga ngazo. Ewe, le mceli mngeni.
Sekunjalo, ekukhohliseni ingqondo yethu ukujonga into enengqondo engakumbi xa uzizwa uphelelwe yithemba, uqala ukutshintsha njengokuguqula umtshini. Kunzima ukuhlala ubuhlungu okanye ube nomsindo ngexesha elifanayo njengoko uziphoqa ukuba ube nomusa nokuzola.
Xa ubhekana nokulahlekelwa ngumbono wakho, unokulahlekelwa yinto enhle ebomini bakho. Ukugcina 'iphepha lokubonga' okanye ukwenza ukungena kwiphephancwadi lakho lokubhala elicacileyo yindlela yokuqwalasela izinto ezintle onokuzenza uzilibale phantsi kwezimo ezinzima.
Umbhalo wakho uphumelele, kungakhathaliseki ukuba kubonakala kubancinane kangakanani: ukuqonda ngokuqikelela, ukuzibophezela ekwenzeni inkqubela phambili, ukuzimisela ukuzama kwakhona, okanye nayiphi na into ovakalelwa kukuba yimpumelelo kuwe. Ngokubonakalisa into entle, uqala ukuhlaziya kwakhona imifanekiso yobomi bakho ngokukhanya okukhulu.
Beka ixesha lokubhala rhoqo. Nantsi ingundoqo yenkqubo: ukuvuna iinzuzo zokubhala ngokucacileyo, kuya kufuneka uzinike ukubhala rhoqo. Okungenani unike uhambo ngalunye ngosuku ubuncinci beeveki ezintathu ukuze ubone ukuba le ndlela yokuzinyamekela iyakwenzela ngokwenene.
Ngamazwi kaDkt. Pennebaker, "Xa sibhekana ne-ADVERSITY, sisabela ngokucinga ngako. Iingcamango zethu zihamba ngokukhawuleza kwiinkolelo. Ezi nkolelo zingaba ziqhelo kangangokuba asiziqondi nokuba sinalo ngaphandle kokuba siyeke ukugxila kubo. "
Ngokuzibophezela ukuvumela ukuhamba kweengcamango zakho ezingenangqondo ukuze ubonakalise uphinde uphinde uqhubeke, uvula iwindi yexesha eliqiqayo elingahlaziywa kwaye likhulise ubomi bakho bemoya. Ukuhlala phezu kweemvakalelo zakho kuya kuba yinto ekhuthaza ukuvuselela amandla kunye nesibindi, kunye nokugxila kwindlela oceba ngayo isinyathelo sakho esilandelayo. Thepha kwisimo sakho sokuzibonakalisa kwaye uyamangaliswa kukuba ubomi bakho obutsha obunokukhubazeka obubonakalayo ulindele ukukunceda ngazo zonke iindlela ongacinga ngazo.
> Imithombo:
> Baikie, K. et al. Izibonelelo zempilo zengqondo nezempilo zokubhala ngokucacileyo. BJPsych Intuthuko. 2007; 11 (5): 338-346.
> Murray, uBridget. Ukubhala ukuphilisa. Umbutho wezeMpilo waseMelika. 2002; 33 (6): 54.